


The Doctor is (Not) Always Right

by Radon65



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2261763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radon65/pseuds/Radon65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and Donna go to check out after Donna spends time clothes shopping in a mall, and the cashier has a unique experience. Told in the style of "Not Always Right."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Doctor is (Not) Always Right

 

This story is told from the perspective of a cashier who checks the Doctor and Donna out at an American shopping mall. It is written in the style of the website "Not Always Right," where the stories of strange and problematic customers are told in script format. This is more complicated than the usual tale, but hey, it's made up.

* * *

**The Doctor Is (Not) Always Right**

_I am a cashier in a large shopping mall, and am working the register one evening when the following occurs. A slightly peculiar couple wanders near me - a tall man in a blue suit and a red-haired woman laden with clothes. The woman is happy - the man is clearly not enjoying himself. They both speak with British accents._

Customer #1: Well, that was nice, going shopping again.

Customer #2: Did we have to do this? It's not as if you couldn't just find something in a wardrobe somewhere?

Customer #1: Soften up, Spaceman, the whole point of shopping is to enjoy it!

Customer #2: Uh, right...

_Customer #1 approaches my register - Customer #2 lingers behind her looking dejected._

Customer #1 _(cheerfully)_ : Hello! How are you today?

Me: Fine, thanks. Did you find everything you were looking for?

_Customer #2 gives a small groan from behind her - Customer #1 glares at him briefly and then turns back to me with a smile._

Customer #1: Yeah, everything's great!

_She places her items, a number of nice-looking tops and a couple of pairs of pants, on my counter. I scan through them and ring up the total as she makes polite chatter and Customer #2 gets an increasingly "kill me now" expression on his face. Finally, I am through scanning._

Me: Okay, that's going to be $58.95.

Customer #1 _(smiles)_ : Okay!

_She simply stands there, waiting, with no attempt to get out a wallet or payment of any sort. After a moment, she glances at Customer #2 behind her. It takes him a moment to realize she is looking at him, as he has been glancing dejectedly about the store. Once he notices, he looks confused - then realizes._

Customer #2: Wait, _I'm_ supposed to pay for these?

Customer #1: Well... yeah.

Customer #2: Why do I have to pay for them?

Customer #1: Well I mean, it is sort of your fault I'm having to buy new clothes, now isn't it?

Customer #2: No, it is not my fault. I told you you could just get some out of a wardrobe.

Customer #1: Yeah, but it's your fault half my clothes got destroyed in the first place.

Customer #2: No, no, that was _not_... _entirely_ my fault. How was I supposed to know that micro-biotic relay was... _(He trails off, looking at me in concern.)_ um, that, that, uh... soap was defective...

_The store has been getting busier during their argument, and now a couple of other customers are standing behind them._

Me: Excuse me, Ma'am? There are other customers waiting. I'm going to have to ask you to please pay for your items now.

_Customer #1 glances around and sees the folks behind her._

Customer #1: Oh, sorry! Yes, we'll just pay for them now... _She shoots a look at Customer #2. He looks worried._

Customer #2: Uh, well...

Customer #1: Oh come on, just pay for it, we can argue about it later, the poor girl's gonna have a queue on her hands if we don't!

Customer #2: Yeah but, I mean, I didn't bring any 21st... uh, money, of that sort, with me today...

Customer #1: You knew we were goin' shopping and you didn't bring any money!?

Customer #2: I didn't know you were gonna expect _me_ to pay for it!

_Customer #1 rolls her eyes and begins digging in her purse. She pulls out a wallet with a small amount of cash in it, but it is clearly not American money. She realizes quickly, looking embarrassed and annoyed with her shopping partner._

Customer #1: Oh, but I haven't got the right kind of money...

Customer #2: Can't you just use one of your cards?

Customer #1: No, I _can't_ use any of my cards, because I don't have any money on them anymore, what with _not having a job I get paid for_.

Customer #2: You don't have a job at all.

Customer #1: Oh, I have a job, Sunshine, I just don't get paid for it.

Customer #2: Well, free room and board - is there a problem with that?

_I can tell that the other customers are beginning to get annoyed. Another two have also joined the line, and I speak up again._

Me: Sir, Ma'am, I really need you to either pay for these items or leave them here. Sorry to rush you, but there are other customers.

Customer #2: Right, fine then, let's just leave them.

Customer #1: I'm not gonna just leave all this behind! It took me over an hour to pick these out!

Customer #2: _(miserably)_ I know.

_Customer #1 suddenly begins gathering up all of the clothing. She turns back to me._

Customer #1: I'm sorry, love, just void the transaction, we'll figure this out and get back to you, 'kay?

Me: That's fine, Ma'am.

_Relieved, I void the transaction and begin taking care of the other customers. While I am scanning their items, Customers #1 and #2 move some feet away from my register and behind some racks (but close enough for me to still hear them), and continue talking in hushed tones._

Customer #1: Okay, so you can just go back and get some money, can't you?

Customer #2: Well, it might take me a while to find it.

Customer #1: What, you don't have a money room or something on that thing?

Customer #2: I dunno, I keep most of it in the library really...

Customer #1: You don't normally carry some of the local currency on you when you go places!?

Customer #2: Well, I've got some pound notes.

Customer #1: A fat of lot of good that's gonna do us here.

Customer #2: Well, _you're_ the one who wanted to go shopping in America. I don't normally hang about here. And I still don't understand why you expected _me_ to pay for it!

Customer #1: Because _you're_ the flipping designated driver, I've got a sonic screwdriver that does everything! Why would you think that _I_ had any money?

Customer #2: You lot certainly seem obsessed enough with it.

Customer #1: Watch it, Spaceman. We had an agreement about comments regarding the human race.

Customer #2: Look, when you said "shopping," my mind just sort of turned off from there. You should have asked if I had American money if you wanted me to pay for it.

Customer #1: Oh, so now this is _my_ fault? If you hadn't turned that bloody thing on and ruined half my...!

Customer #2: All right, look, fine, I'll just go to an ATM and get some okay?

Customer #1: I told you, none of my cards have anything on them anymore!

Customer #2: I don't need your cards, I've got the sonic.

Customer #1: It can do that?

Customer #2: Well, I don't normally use it like that as a rule unless my life's in danger. Had a bit of a bad experience with a fellow named Adam, shouldn't have given him unlimited credit...

Customer #1: Wait, but if you do that, then where does the money come from?

Customer #2: From the ATM.

Customer #1: I know that, Dumbo, I mean who's account?

Customer #2: Nobody's. It just sort of, erm...

Customer #1: So you're just _(She lowers her voice to a hiss, but I can still hear her.)_ _stealing_ it out of the ATM?

Customer #2: Oh, come on, how many times have I saved this planet? I don't get paid, either, I should get some compensation!

_At this point, I begin to worry not only about their discussion of stealing money out of an ATM, but their sanity, and wonder if I should call security. The line at my register is now gone and I am completely free to listen in on their conversation, so I do so._

Customer #1: You don't _need_ to get paid, you've got a bloody police box!

Customer #2: Fine, I'll go dig it out of the library, then.

Customer #1: _(sighs)_ That's gonna take too long... All right, just go get it out of the ATM and we'll donate to charity later, yeah?

Customer #2: Here, give me one of your cards.

Customer #1: What for?

Customer #2: Well, I can put some money on it, while I'm at it.

Customer #1: Oh no, this is not becoming a habit! Just go get some cash and get back here.

Customer #2: Fine.

_He leaves the store quickly. Customer #1 wanders around, looking bored. I pick up the phone and quietly call security, giving them Customer's #2's description and explaining that he may be trying to steal from an ATM. Finally, Customer #1 remembers me and comes back, smiling._

Customer #1: Sorry about all that, love. The... uh, John. John's just gone to get some money from the, uh, car.

Me: Ma'am, did I hear the two of you talking about stealing from an ATM?

_Customer #1 becomes flustered._

Customer #1: Oh no, no, no... that... that was, that was just a joke, um, John likes to, uh, pretend that he's in crime, you know, just pretend, some of the time. Like a game. For fun.

Me: Well Ma'am, I called security about it and gave them your husband's description, so if he does try to steal from an ATM they will catch him.

_She becomes suddenly defiant, then even more nervous._

Customer #1: No, no, no, he is _not_ my husband! ...Hang on, you called security on him?

Me: Yes Ma'am, it's store policy to call security if we see or hear anything questionable. Don't worry - they'll be looking at the ATMs. As long as he doesn't try to steal from an ATM, he should be fine. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted your... game.

Customer #1: Oh yeah, no, honest mistake...

_She starts chewing on one of her fingernails. Several minutes go by where I imagine her getting called down to the security office to deal with Customer #2 being arrested. After about ten minutes, to my surprise, Customer #2 reenters the store, although he looks rather exasperated._

Customer #1: Oh! ...John! You're back, how'd it go?

Customer #2: Uh, fine. It, it went fine, yeah. Here.

_He approaches the counter and hands me three very fresh, crisp twenties, like you get out of an ATM._

Me: I'm sorry sir, I'm going to need to rescan the items.

Customer #1: Oh yeah, of course, here.

_She re-dumps all of the clothes onto my counter. I begin to scan them through, keeping an eye on Customer #2, who is exchanging funny looks with Customer #1, and keeping an eye out for security._

Me: You got these bills out of your car, sir?

Customer #2: Oh, well, we keep them in the glove box, emergency money, you know. They, uh, they stay pretty nice in there.

_His excuse is plausible, but I still don't quite buy it._

Me: I see.

Customer #1: She called security on you!

Customer #2: _(seeming to realize something)_ Oh, is that why they stopped me?

Me: Our security guards stopped you, sir?

Customer #2: Yeah, I was at the, uh, well, I was looking at one of the ATMS, and they came up and started asking me questions...

Me: Why were you at an ATM if you had no cards that would work and were headed to your car?

_He suddenly looks at me very confidently._

Customer #2: Ah yes, well, that's part of my job!

_His suddenly pulls a small, folded wallet out of his pocket and, to my surprise, shows me a very official-looking piece of ID. His picture is there, along with the name "John Smith," a slew of information like birth date, state of residence, etc. and the title "Technological Commerce Inspector." It does not look at all faked - if it's a forgery, it's one hell of a job. I raise my eyebrows, clearly expressing my surprise. He grins._

Customer #2: Yeah see, I'm actually here to inspect the ATMs and stuff, Donna just wanted to do some shopping while we were in the area.

Me: Huh?

Customer #2: I just showed it to the security chaps, of course, they were very nice about it... Uh, why did you call security?

Me: Oh... I... I overheard you and, uh, Donna talking and I thought I heard you say something about "stealing" from an ATM.

Customer #1: _(quickly)_ I told her that was just one of our games, you know, _John_?

Customer #2: Oh yeah, right, we like to play around a lot, Donna and I, lots of games, us, that's all... Sorry if we worried you.

Me: Yeah no, that's fine, I'm sorry I caused you an inconvenience...

_He puts his ID away. I'm still trying to process what just happened._

Me: John Smith?

Customer #2: _(flashes me a blinding smile)_ It's a very common name.

Me: Uh, sure...

_Still dazed, I finish scanning their items. Their total comes to $58.95, as before, and I take the three twenties to pay for it. As I start to hand them their change, Customer #1 stops me._

Customer #1: Oh no, sweetheart, you keep that! Compensation for having to deal with us!

_She gives me a cheery smile and collects her bag. Customer #2 smiles too, looking the friendliest he has for the last half hour._

Customer #2: Yeah, thanks a lot!

Me: You're welcome. Sorry for the trouble.

Customer #2: Oh, not at all. Have a great day!

_As they wander away from the register, Customer #2 turns to Customer #1._

Customer #2: That was fun.

Customer #1: Yeah, fun for _you_ , you got to use the paper while I stood here, hoping you weren't getting manhandled by some slap happy security bloke...

Customer #2: Oh well, you ought to have known I'd handle... Okay, maybe not. But it was still fun - better than shopping.

Customer #1: I don't think I'm ever taking you shopping again.

Customer #2: Oh, good!

_I asked my manager later if we'd had a "Technological Commerce Inspector" around. He didn't know, but the mall upkeep is different from individual store upkeep, and the ATMs are separate from the mall, so he could have been sent by a government agency or a bank or anything. Eventually I found out from the security guards that the guy had been pointing some kind of weird blue flashlight at the ATM. If it wasn't for the ID he showed me, I would think he was just crazy after all! Anyway, I hope John and Donna had a nice evening, because they certainly gave me a memorable one!_

**The End**

* * *

Okay, I'm not advocating stealing money out of an ATM. But the Doctor and Donna _do_ kind of save the planet a lot, so... yeah, they get away with it. And he totally did the same thing in _The Long Game_. Let me know if you liked it. It's all I have for now, but I have thought of writing other experiences with other companions and/or another Doctor... Not sure if that's going to happen or not.  Oh, well.  Cheers!


End file.
